According to a Bankrate Financial Infidelity Survey, 28 percent of couples said they considered financial cheating as bad as physical cheating. Furthermore, money is one of the top reasons for divorce, says Rahkim Sabree, counselor and financial therapist with the Financial Therapy Association. With these facts in mind, it makes good sense to get all your financial cards on the table (literally and figuratively) before you tie the knot. Here are a few ways to navigate this often thorny subject and create a healthy relationship with money as a couple.
Have a Money Date
Be intentional and carve out dedicated time to discuss the big issues that you both might have questions about.
- How will we handle student loans?
- How many children will we have, if any? Will they go to public or private schools?
- Where will we live? Close to or far away from family?
- Where would we like to be in our careers in 5, 10, or 20 years?
- When do we want to retire? How will we spend our retirement?
If talking about these things is difficult, you might consider premarital financial counseling. When you can get on the same page before you get that other page – your marriage license – you’ll be way ahead of the game.
Set Up a Financial Plan, Pre-Marriage
While this conversation probably won’t be romantic with flowers and candlelight, it’s a time where you can share the excitement of your future. While you may not see eye-to-eye on everything, set up short-term goals, long-term milestones, and seek the middle ground when disagreements arise. Remember, life happens. Goals may change. There will be job losses, health issues, and unexpected expenses like HVAC going out or plumbing problems. The idea is to remain flexible and tuned in to each other’s spending habits by using apps like YNAB (You Need a Budget), Empower, or Tiller. When you’re transparent and can see who is spending on what, you can maintain an open dialogue about your cash flow.
Decide if You Want a Prenup
Depending on your resources and if you have children from a previous marriage, you might want to consider a prenuptial agreement. Again, it’s not the most comfortable topic to discuss because it implies that there’s an end to what is ostensibly just beginning. That said, it can pre-empt future problems that might otherwise cause a divorce. It’s also important in the case of death because if you don’t have a prenup, a judge, not the couple, gets to decide who gets what, which might result in an unsatisfactory distribution.
Figure Out Your Checking Accounts
Joint or separate? This is totally up to you, but according to Bankrate, 24 percent of couples have separate accounts; 38 percent have both joint and separate; and 39 percent have a joint account. This topic should be part of your money date.
Consolidate Debt
If you both have debt, consolidate and start paying it off. If you’re thinking about buying a home, lenders will look at debt-to-income ratio to see how much of your total income is being used to pay off debt. If your debt is too high, you might have trouble getting a mortgage. Be honest about it. Have the tough conversations before you say, “I do.” You probably don’t want to surprise your future spouse when you’re in the already emotional process of putting a bid on a house.
Bottom line, figuring out a financial plan for your marriage can be challenging, if not downright tough. But the best time to sort through all of this is before you walk down the aisle. When you have a roadmap, the chances for a successful financial future together increase exponentially.
Sources
Money And Marriage: What To Consider Before Tying The Knot | Bankrate
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